Why Men Don't Like to Say - "I Love You" ???

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Defining Women Using a Geographical Analogy

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair's a women really).

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

Next Weeks Lesson: How To Say "Excuse me, How Old is your Daughter?" in all Languages

HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

How to say "I Love You" in English -- Um, I Love you?

How to say "I Love You" in Spanish -- Te Amo -- Now get me an El Taco!

How to say "I Love You" in French -- Je T'aime -- Are you ever going to shave that?

How to say "I Love You" in German -- Ich Liebe Dich -- Not to be confused with "See my little dick"

How to say "I Love You" in Japanese -- Ai Shite Imasu -- I Shite you not!

How to say "I Love You" in Italian -- Ti Amo -- Just like Spanish, 'cept switch "Taco" with "Pizza"

How to say "I Love You" in Chinese -- Wo Ai Ni -- Also known to work: "Me Love You Long Time"

How to say "I Love You" in Swedish -- Jag Alskar -- AKA "Make money with video production!"

How to say "I Love You" if you find yourself in; Alabama, Arkansas, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas, Mississippi, North Carolina or Kentucky. . . . . . . . Nice Tits Cuz!

The Grand Master Mulit-Lingo "I Love You" List

Afrikaans -- Ek is lief vir jou!
Albanian -- Te dua!
Amharic -- Afekrishalehou!
Arabic -- Ohiboke (m to f), Nohiboka (f to m, or m to m)
Armenian -- Yes kez si'rumem!
Basque -- Maite zaitut!
Bengali -- Ami tomake bahlobashi!
Bosnian -- Volim te!
Bulgarian -- Obicham te!
Catalan -- T'estimo!
Creole -- Mi aime jou!
Croatian -- Volim te!
Czech -- Miluji te^v!
Danish -- Jeg elsker dig!
Dutch -- Ik hou van je!
Esperanto -- Mi amas vin!
Estonian -- Mina armastan sind!
Farsi -- Tora dost daram!
Filipino -- Iniibig kita!
Finnish -- (Mä) rakastan sua!
French -- Je t'aime!
Frisian -- Ik hald fan dei!
Galician -- Querote!
German -- Ich liebe dich!
Greek -- S'ayapo!
Gujarati -- Hoon tane pyar karoochhoon! tane chaahuN chhuN!
Hawaiian -- Aloha wau ia 'oe!
Hebrew -- Anee ohev otakh (m to f), Anee ohevet otkha (f to m), Anee ohev otkha (m to m), Anee ohevet otakh (f to f)
Hindi -- Mai tumase pyar karata hun (m to f), Mai tumase pyar karati hun (f to m)
Hungarian -- Szeretlek!
Icelandic -- Eg elska thig!
Indonesian -- Saya cinta padamu!
Irish -- t'a gr'a agam dhuit!
Italian -- Ti amo!
Japanese -- Kimi o ai shiteru!
Korean -- Dangsinul saranghee yo!
Latin -- Te amo!
Latvian -- Es tevi milu!
Lithuanian -- As tave myliu!
Malaysian -- Saya cintamu!
Mandarin -- Wo ai ni!
Marshallese -- Yokwe Yuk!
Norwegian -- Jeg elsker deg!
Polish -- Kocham ciebie!
Portuguese -- Eu te amo!
Romanian -- Te iubesc!
Russian -- Ya tyebya lyublyu!
Sanskrit -- twayi snihyaami
Serbian -- Volim te!
Sesotho -- Kiyahurata!
Slovak -- Lubim ta!
Slovenian -- Ljubim te!
Spanish -- Te amo!
Swahili -- Nakupenda!
Swedish -- Jag älskar dig!
Tagalog -- Mahal kita!
Thai -- Phom rug khun (Male speaker) Chan rug khun (Female speaker)
Turkish -- Seni seviyorum!
Ukrainian -- Ya tebe kokhayu!
Urdu -- Main tumse muhabbat karta hoon!
Vietnamese -- Anh yeu em (m to f), Em yeu an (f to m)
Welsh -- Rwy'n dy garu di!
Yiddish -- Kh'hob dikh lib!
Zulu -- Ngiyakuthanda!

Smart Ass Chicks with Contractable Diseases

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a well known Dallas gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

"Do you know what I’m doing?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies. "You’re checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."

"That’s right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I’m doing now?"

"You’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.

"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I’m doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You’re getting herpes and genital warts—which is why I came here in the first place."

When Housewives Get Bored

This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.

"No thank you," she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."

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